sometimes I don't realize that I'm talking to myself.

I think we all possess, aware of it or not, an instinctive desire to create. And not necessarily to create for creation’s sake, but as a way to discover who we are. When we create -- be it paintings, poems, buildings, bread, metaphysical theories, or music -- each stroke of our pencil (or what have you) is actually an enchanting attempt to transform fleeting glimpses of the subconscious into tangible things that we can see or hold and say, “This is a part of who I am; this is me!”

When we stifle this need, we are depriving ourselves of… well, ourselves. We can’t cling on to that old excuse; “I won’t be any good at it, so I might as well not even try.” If you feel you must create, then you must create. You must create without the uninspired eyes of a critic and instead with the hungry binoculars of an explorer.

Probe the vast oceans of your soul and search for those answers that belong to questions you never knew existed. Toss aside the preoccupation with perfection and just dive into it with the spirit of a toddler leaping into a McDonald's ball pit. In the end, it’s not about the creation, but the creating.


peace.
-lise.

just a box in a cage.

If one's "essence", if you will, is contained within a physical body, which in turn is contained within a building or room (assuming the physical body is currently inside, reading blogs), and the building is contained within the Earth's realm by the ozone and other such atmospheric layers, and the Earth is contained in space by the nature of gravity and the laws of the universe, can one's essence ever be truly free?




peace.
-lise.

meta morphin'.

We change every day. Usually the changes are so small and so gradual that they escape our notice. But they still happen. Despite this, though, I have always felt as though there is something intangible in us that remains fixed; unchangeable. And no matter how much we evolve and grow... we are essentially the same. What is this stationary quality in each of us?

peace.
-lise.

a train of thought that ran off the rails.

Humans have eyes that see the world. They can see colors, shapes, and textures. Other animals also have eyes that see the world. And they can also see colors, shapes, and textures; but not in the same way that humans see them. Dogs, dolphins, doves; each have their own unique vision.

The tiny fraction of the light spectrum that can be seen by human eyes is labeled the "visible spectrum". But many animals cannot see all of the wavelengths of light in the visible spectrum, and many more can see outside of the spectrum visible to us.

So who is to say that a human's vision is the "correct" one? Simply put, there are many ways to see the world. None of them are right. None of them are wrong. They are just different. The world cannot be viewed upon without biased eyes.

Oftentimes, we find our own way of seeing the world so astoundingly beautiful that we yearn to show others this beauty; yearn to have them see the same world that we do.

But we forget that this usually cannot work; not because the person is unwilling to view the certain beauty, but because the person is unable to view it. They do not possess eyes with the same sight bias. They possess their own bias. And neither sight is wrong. But neither sight can see the Truth.

Opening your mind is the best way to open your eyes. I have to remind myself occasionally to acknowledge my own sight bias, but I never forget to appreciate the beauty that can be seen within my own "visible spectrum".

So then, what would the world look like if it were possible to view the Truth? Well, I suppose that remains to be seen. [Pun intended.]

peace.
-lise.

the world at large.

Sometimes the world can seem like an intimidating place. The vastness of it all can make you feel pretty insignificant. But, just think - it gives you so much room to spread your wings. So much room to fly. It just takes a small leap of faith on your part.


peace.
-lise.

custom concern.

today i was walking up a flight of stairs to get to my dorm building. this was at about... seven in the morning. still in the clothes i had worn the previous day. and eyes stinging from the contacts that had decided to shrivel up and die while still on my eyeballs. *sigh*. biology had stolen the better part of my usually nighttime ritual. oh... glorious, elusive sleep...

as i came to the building entrance, and got to the door, i stopped suddenly. i noticed that something was different, which is a rare feat for me since my attention is almost never on the external. there was a small, black box in the place of the old rusty card swipe machine.

this took me as a complete surprise, as there had been no warning beforehand. no warning from anyone that there was going to be a change. i didn't even get a chance to say a proper goodbye to the faithful old device that i had subconsciously become rather attached to. i'll miss you, Doris.

this new box had no slot in which to swipe my card to gain entrance though. just a devilish red light taunting me as i hopelessly tried to use my old key with this new apparatus.

thankfully, my roommate was awake and was able to let me in after a short wait. and i eventually traded in my old swipe card for the new one. but those few frantic minutes after the initial realization of uselessness had left an impression on me.

i was on the outside, trying to get in. trying to get in using the key i had held faithfully in my possession since i had received it. but this key was no longer of any use, since it was incompatible with the new lock system.

this is probably one of my biggest fears. (no, not being locked out of a building.) i am terrified of one day realizing that all of my hard work and preparation in school will be of no use to me. however intelligent i may or may not be, i might find one day that i won't find a niche in this society. i might find that i am useless, incompetent.

they say that the best way to learn is from your mistakes. and how did they come to this conclusion? from making mistakes, of course.

so what i took with me from my morning mishap is this: maybe when we find that we are useless, it is simply because we are trying to open the wrong door.


peace.
-lise.

novocain stain.

last night i was lying stiffly on my top bunk, staring at the dusty beige ceiling above, imploring [in vain] for sleep to come to me. as my mind wandered away to other midnight musings, my eyes could not help but fixate on the small, sideways scribble "I ♥ U". some previous bunk-dweller must have engraved it with a pencil - who knows how long ago.

because it was in pencil, i suppose i could have erased it if i had wanted, if it had bothered me enough. but the fact would remain that - even if it erased perfectly, without a trace of ever having been there - it was, at one point in time, there. it existed.

which led me to wonder: when we love someone, really love them, is it possible for this emotion to ever leave us? or does it leave an invisible stain eternally upon the heart? maybe this stain can almost numb the heart - a novocain stain. a numbness that can protect the heart from caring about any of the annoying little quirks that we start to notice after a while.

reflecting on the subject of love after valentine's day is a bit sad, to be honest. but those three tiny penciled symbols imparted on me a hopeful possibility: in this life filled with whirlwinds of change, perhaps true love - whether found in family, friend, or spouse - is the one constant on which we can depend.

peace.
-lise.